


Reflecting

by Salmaka



Category: Mars: War Logs, The Technomancer (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mace of Feels, No Dialogue, No Justification, Reflecting on life, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Usage of Head Canon(s), dark themes, deep, set Abundance on fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-25 23:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmaka/pseuds/Salmaka
Summary: Technomancers were already broken even before their deployment. And then they saw the horrors war had to offer. Only a few Mancers withstood it. The majority broke even more.





	Reflecting

**Author's Note:**

> Two simple sentences were written down into my notebook months ago. Right after I wrote them down I make a note above them. Simple and clear - CURSED. About a week ago I came back to it and wrote this.
> 
> Recommended [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hLoU2qP4zc) for maximul feels.
> 
>  **Note the tags!!** What awaits you ain't pretty.

Technomancers were already broken even before their deployment. And then they saw the horrors war had to offer. Only a few Mancers withstood it. The majority broke even more.

Sean felt this tendency, these dark thoughts before. Since his second or third time at the front. But he managed to control them, to contain the wish, the need to just hurt. He always feared it won’t go away when he let it loose, not even after he will come back home.

And now he _knew_ he won’t be coming back, he wasn’t naïve. Viktor had his fingers in this deployment, and he will make sure Sean won’t come back to protect Zach, to protect his whole family. Without the Order, without his family and friends to protect _him_ and knowing he won’t come back Sean let the darkness consume him. And he became something – someone far worst that he thought he was capable of. There was no going back, in any sense. There was no forgiveness for what he was, for what he was doing and let the others under his supervision do.

It’s common that the one who was bullied become the bully themselves. They can finally feel the power after they were threatened as if they were nothing. Their brain clouded by power. For Sean, this power was almost intoxicating, and he became addicted to it pretty fast. With the first opportunity that came up, Sean abandoned all his principles and had become what he was criticizing his whole life.

Now he saw and understood why Abundance was what she was. Once someone got to the source of power, they won’t give up of it. They will ask and later demand more, not looking or acknowledging it was at the expense of poor and weak. Until some massive impact on the system will happen, Abundance will never change. She will only get worse and worse until she will eat herself alive, taking all under her ‘protection’ with her.

It was terrifying how fast his reputation spread through the Camp. The soldiers there mostly didn’t even meet his eyes. That was something he was already used to, every Mancer was, but now there was something more to it.

And still, he was aware of few soldiers watching, keeping closer to Sean more than the rest of their comrades and he figured they were Watcher’s men. Keeping an eye on him if he decided to do something stupid. Only too late he realized that they could pass on what horror he was doing here not only to their boss but to Zachariah, too. In war, any means to gain the upper hand are acceptable.

And then there was Mary…

Seeing those soldiers swarming over that young woman made his blood boil. They were animals and he almost killed them to get them away from her. It was his first taste of true darkness he got. And then, later that same day, he became the same animal himself. Mary came into his tent with an offer – no, not offer. She had nothing more to ‘offer’ but her body, Sean could see she was ‘used to’ that men were using her. She didn’t know better. He should refuse, sent her away or told her she had a choice in this, but he didn’t. He took and didn’t stop taking… And he fought to keep her by his side, he won’t let go of another student of his so easily the second time around.

Sean knew the man was coming, he wasn’t stupid.

The prisoner was trying to be discreet, but Camp was full of ears and eyes willing to talk. Offer a little reward, use the intimidation and everybody is willing to pass some information… Sean made sure the man will get this far. Allowed his wandering around the Camp almost unseen, almost. Sean maybe even helped sparked the events leading to his grand escape, he could not remember. He wasn’t sure about his actions, wasn’t sure why he did what he was doing anymore.

And then he found out a little secret. What a surprise to find out the man was a technomancer himself. His temples did give him away. Plus, all the useful advice he gave Mary deep down underground… Sean truly found himself a fine opponent, a fine bearer of death.

He had a boy with him. The kid was clinging to his side. His big eyes watching them from afar because this was only between Sean and Roy. There was no place for Innocence here.

Sean and the prisoner were surprising matched in skills. Good. He won’t have to ease that much, to be pretending he was weak. However, the staff Sean had was an abomination of a weapon. Too short for it to be even called staff and too long for it to be something else. It was more for the show. A Big Bad Technomancer with something resembling a staff in their hand. Or how Sean saw it – like a warlord from old Earth’s history, holding some sticks for no logical reason aside to stand out above all the ordinary soldiers. The symbol of power.

Roy’s weapon of choice was something else entirely. It was some old rusty pipe with additional pricks made of the Camp’s junk. It was impossible to stop prisoners from making weapons such as this. However, the nailgun the man had was quality Abundancean product.

Mancer was expecting the fight, was counting on it to happen. And still, he hadn’t changed from the formal uniform he was wearing here in the Camp. Another symbol of power… If – **when** he will go down, Sean will die with style. No one couldn’t take that from him. This was his choice, one of rare few in his life he had. One of the few that mattered, too. And when news about his death will reach home, they will know. They will understand because he won’t be the first nor the last Mancer choosing how and when they want to die.

Thinking kept Sean distracted. Kept him somehow away from the pain. With every hit which landed on his body, he remembered a member of his family.

Melvin, his brother. They supported each other throughout the long and difficult years. They went through everything together.

Ian and Connor, his fathers. Though their relationship wasn’t without flaws, fights and rocky moments, they raised him well. Their love and support helped him through bad times, and he did the same for them, too.

Sam, his grandmother. Sean’s and her personalities were pretty similar in many ways. And her dirty jokes and badass personality, spot-on advice and occasional tough love helped him survive many years.

And of course, Zachariah, his son. Sean was sure he had some biological offspring, every adult Mancer had. Mother Abundance demanded that. However, the little Rogue was his real one. He taught him, supported him, raised him and loved him. He would do anything to protect Zachariah but now he was miles and miles away and he could do shit.

Sean will never know what killed him. If it was because of the wounds and cuts from the man’s hits, the nails piercing his body parts or by his own technomancy, which was acting up under all what was happening and was burning him from inside.

Sean Mancer just knew he did die, and with his last breath he took, he tasted the true freedom for the first time in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> |_・) Are you mad?
> 
> This is the darkest and deepest story I've ever written. Hope I succeeded ~~and made you cry~~ and it is not a pile of shit.
> 
> Thank you for reading! And also thank you for potential kudos or comment! I'm bad at replying but I really appreciate it. <3  
> And one big thank you to all the folks on our Technomancer server! Stay awesome! <3


End file.
